So, I Screwed Up... (Attn: Kiefer)

[Deleted]

May 24th, 8am[/u]


He'd been pacing since he got back from seeing Annia. Infact, he'd paced about the club enough for Krys to send him off for being in her way and irritating. For the last hour, he'd been pacing around his office, not wanting to go to his Home and call her there - simply put, he didn't think that would be fair. It was just working up the nerve to call her...
He finally stopped, going to his desk and taking out a black box, about the length of a jewellers bracelet box, but a lot thicker. Setting it on the desk, he took a deep breath.
"Man, not mouse..." He whispered to himself finally.

"Please, Kiefer... I need you... Please come..." He whispered the words, thinking of only her and how much he needed her to be here, his eyes shut as he repeated the words over and over...

[Lovely]

At first there was barely a wavering in the air before Ace's desk, slowly it turned to a shimmering ripple like one would see coming up off tar on a very hot day. Kiefer was still weak and drained from her last meeting with Pharz but could not ignore the call which summoned her from her home to appear here for Ace. His need for her helped to strengthen the visage of her but she was still nothing more than mist at the moment.

[Deleted]

Whe he first opened his eyes he'd thought she hadn't come, that perhaps she was too upset with him to come. It took him a moment to focus on the mist-esque form that felt familiar.
Perhaps he'd been right, but she couldn't refuse a call... He tried not to let her see the pain that crossed his face. She couldn't refuse so she'd come to him like this...
"Were that anyone but you, I'd refuse to see you until you took a form I'd recognise. Maybe even pretend they didn't exist, but not you." Ace shook his head a little. "Never you, and Always you, Kiefer. See, that's my problem. Tell me to shut up if you'd like, but I Love You. I'd hoped to speak with you awhile, if you're available? I didn't want to call you... I swear I didn't, but I... I didn't think you'd come if I didn't." Ace paused mid-pace infront of his desk, leaning against it. "I owe you so much more than an apology, but if you'll let me I'd like to start there."

[Lovely]

"Well then we'd have a real issue, wouldn't we? Since I can't take any other form right now.. This is all I have.. I haven't been myself.. haven't been well since... it doesn't matter when, just that I get better and not worse. I'm not entirely sure what worse would do to me." She explained about her current state, in a way apologising for not be what he wanted her to be right now. She flowed down into a chair facing his desk, as if tired even in this misty form. "I came.. that means I'm available... and I am willing to listen to what you have to say. An apology would be a start.. but only if you really mean it."

[Deleted]

"I would never dishonour you by offering an apology I didn't mean with every single fibre of my being, I owe you that much at least." Ace paused a moment, having the good grace to drop his eyes to the floor. "I have behaved appaulingly and for the first time in my years I am ashamed of something that I've done... That something I have done has affected you so." He looked back up to the mist, smiling a little. "And I thank you... You honour me with your prescence today after all that has passed. I ...Feel...?" He paused a moment, testing the word. "Yes, I feel that I also owe you an explanation of my actions - it won't make it right, not at all, but I hope explaining myself may possibly curb my ego enough for it never to happen again.... not that I'm implying you should ever let me anywhere near you again. Not if this is the consequences." Ace frowned. He'd expected something... more than likely a fury, which hell hath nothing like... but Kiefer being her usual self in this state - it was breaking his heart, what little of it he had.

[Lovely]

"An explaination?" She seemed quite surprised that not only was he offering an apology he was also willing to explain himself.. and admitting he'd done something he was ashamed of. It was alot to take in all at once and for a few moments Kiefer could hardly do more than stare at him. "Alright." She said slowly, quietly, and her head nodded slightly. "I am willing to listen." Kiefer could feel the ache of his heart and it made her ache, her instincts to try to comfort him and heal whatever hurt him... but what hurt him was that he'd hurt her and only he could heal that. "I can't promise you I wont slap you and walk out when you're done but I will listen." Her smile was barely there as she half teased him and was partly serious with her comment.

[Lovely]

"A slap would be more physical contact than I think I deserve." He smiled half-heartedly, trying to make that bitter taste in his mouth a little sweeter. "I am -so- sorry Kiefer. I seem to be doing this a whole lot more than I had ever planned. Always thought I'd be the one chasing down the people that hurt you, not being the dumb guy who did it in the first place." He sighed. "I think the problem is that I love you... Properly. Like those silly humans always say they love each other. It's pure, completely... and I don't know what to do with that. My elders would have said it makes me weak... That's what is so deeply ingrained in me... besides the fact that I'm not supposed to be able to love. Love is a good thing... and my kind... we're... well, not. It hurts, even when there is No reason for it to - it burns in my chest all the time. I just... I don't know. I forget sometimes that I'm not the only one. I can't get you out of my head... what you'd think of what I'm doing... and it's driving me crazy because you're not even mine anymore. I already screwed that up. I am sorry, really Kiefer. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Forgive you for loving me or for hurting me?" The answer was the same either way and she wasn't going to slap him, what he told her made her heart break a little more because she was also hurting him. "The fates were cruel to us Ace.. I loved you.. completely and I lost you.. I truly and honestly thought you were gone. I couldn't feel you in the world.. It was nothing you did Ace. I thought you'd been destroyed. I met Deacon and.. well you know how it's turned out.. I still do love you and the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you."

"You know, I'm glad you did. You deserve happy, and someone that isn't going to disappear off the radar completely and be such a complete idiot." He smiled a little, leaning on his desk. "I'm learning to be better with this, like an adult. It goes truely against the grain, being responsible - it's not something we teach, or practise usually. Spoilt brats, the lot of us ShadowLords."

"Yes.. but you're a very lovable spoiled brat." She laughed a little though she felt sad for all that had happened between them. "What do we do.. as adults.. about all of this mess we've found ourselves in.. or made.. hmmm?" She gave him a look that was teasing and then sighed. "Do you really want to be with... Pharz?" She still couldn't call her sister after being so betrayed, but needed to ask.

Ace pulled a face - he couldn't help it. "Sorry... Adult-like solution. No black holes, name calling or face pulling." He sighed. "I shouldn't be so suprised that you see it like that. I'm more suprised I don't, actually. She's like... an icy winter breeze. Here one moment and gone the next, but so tempting while she is, whispering all those things I'm trying not to do."

"See it like what? That you deserve to find someone that you want and can share your dreams and desires with? Why shouldn't I see it like that.. you do, you know? For a time it was me and back then I thought it would be for such a very long time.. eternity, if I'm to be honest.. but fate saw it differently. Perhaps when I was returned after the Ripple.. a part of me was missing?.. I don't know." She looked down at her hands, trying to reel in her thoughts as they jumped from place to place. "I will always love you Ace.. I don't want to not have you in my life.. even if it's cruel of me to keep you close while denying you what you had with me before. I never thought I could be that way.. perhaps you rubbed off on me more than we thought." She smiled, almost laughing. "To be honest Pharz is more like you.. and better suited for the sort of fun you enjoy.. You know, I wasn't mad that you were with her.."

[Lovely]

"You can't consider more like me, to be a good thing. I don't think I do right now - although this 'new you', with the little wicked streak... She's kinda nifty." He rolled his eyes. "Nifty. See what's happening to me? Picking up the kids' slang now.."
"Kiefer, maybe you were only supposed to be with me to make me a little good. Maybe now that's happened you are with who you were always meant to be with... and now I sound like a fortune cookie." He smirked, looking down at the box infront of him for a moment. "I... Uhh... I don't know about Pharz. I never gave her a fair chance. Maybe we'll see... in the future, sometime - but only with your blessing... and a kick, please, if I even start to act like an arse.."

"Little wicked streak? Mmmm the club.. that was.. " She chuckled quietly. "I bet you enjoyed the mayhem.. I was so angry at how she betrayed me, denied it, and then how she pracitcally gloated over her place in your club.. at your side.. a part of me feels like that's where I should be.. and it hurt.. deeply." She confessed but knew the truth couldn't really be hidden. "If you do decide to.. be with her.. I just won't visit you when she is near.. not for awhile at least.. I'm hurt by what she said to you in the alley that night.. how she twisted things and that you believed her. That's why I.." She motioned to the blow she'd given him in his nether region. "It's done now and can't be taken back.. perhaps in time I'll forgive her. I just wanted you to know why I was so upset and to know the truth.. I never cast you aside or replaced you. It can't be done.. you are one of a kind Ace. Yes, I chose Deacon.. yes, I love him.. but had I known you were still alive? I wouldn't have pursued him.. I would have been faithful to you."

"Oh love, please don't worry about that anymore... and don't worry about Pharz either. It will be a while before I trust myself around anyone, especially her, who is so much like you but not." His smile broadened. "Although should you feel the need to let loose again, you are more than welcome to come and be wicked at the club again. My staff positively enjoyed it, as well as I."

"She's nothing like me." Kiefer insisted quietly, her mouth turned down in a pout at being compared to someone who had hurt her so deeply. "I wasn't worried about her.. I just can't be near her. I've taken to staying with Deacon.. it Morte's abode to keep her away from us. It's one of the few places things like us can't just go into. Perhaps it's because it's where death lives? I'm not sure it's wise for me to let loose like I did that night in the club.. it made me very ill. Maybe it's because I wasn't quite myself.. weak still from the birth of my son.. I had him shortly after leaving the two of you in the alley."

"Perhaps not so much, then, but my offer will stand forevermore. You have a son now too? Ah, does he bite, by any chance?" Ace raised an eyebrow. "Or is it just my prescence that seems to turn good people bad..." He paused. "I hope not.. that would ruin things..." He studied her carefully for a moment. "Hey, I want you to have this. It's the one from my home. It is not an un-invite, to be clear, I just think that you should have it. It was made for you, afterall, and it wouldn't be right of anyone else to take advantage of that." He tapped the square velvet box infront of him with a finger lightly.

"Yes.. my son.. he came sooner than expected but I was distraught after leaving.. he does bite and finds it rather hilarious. It still tickles me when he does." She smiled fondly and it was obvious that she was proud of the little one. "We call him Shy." Her eyes slowly almost reluctantly shifted to the velvet box, he denied it was an un-invite but it still felt like it was. "My flower." She said softly, lifting her gaze to his face.

[Lovely]

"A lovely name..." Ace nodded. "Yours. I'd.... I'd like it very much if you'd keep it safe... Maybe come and visit me sometime with it - anytime you wish. I Don't want... I cant have creatures that dont know the rules wandering about in my home. There's only one allowed to do that, and if you keep this for me, only one will."

"I... " Her eyes closed and her head shook, then she uttered the word that was the most unlike her. ".. hate this." It was heartbreaking and like she was cutting out a piece of herself.. like she was losing him again. She was and it was probably for the best but it still hurt. Deacon would be reassured, knowing it was over at least on some level between her and Ace. "Of course I'll keep it safe."

"I know... but really, we dont have another choice. We're being grown-ups about this, remember?" He smiled half-heartedly. "I hate this too, and I am so sorry. You know I'll always be here, right? Even if you just want to hide for ten minutes, you can come and find me anywhere I am - anywhere in any world, and that idea I love." He smiled.

There was another choice, she could forsake Deacon and throw herself into Ace's arms, curl up in his lap the way she used to. Kiefer smiled faintly at the thought, more at the memory of him holding her. No, she was wrong.. there was no other choice but this.. as soon as it was thought, she knew it. "I'm sorry too.."

"Please don't apologise. You've given me so much..." He smiled. "For example, I did not inflict any damage on the drunk who spilt his drink all over my lovely new shirt last night. You've made me a better person." He tilted his head to the left slightly, just watching her for a moment. "I'd really like it, if you would still visit... even if it is just for work."

"Of course I'll visit.. and if you ever.. well you know you just have to call me." He had to know that since it was how he'd gotten her here, now. She smiled more brightly and just watched him for a moment. "I made you a better person? I like knowing that.. and that you are."

"That's how I know I wont ever be like... before the ripple. I'm not capable of being that merciless, cruel and evil anymore... not to anyone but the elders, of course." Ace paused, thinking. "Although if you come in here and I've painted love hearts and rainbows on all the walls, I may need to be institutionalised."

She laughed and her head shook, just imagining him painting such things all over his walls. "I would be very amused if you did but I promise if i ever find you doing that, I will have you locked up in a very dark place and tortured daily until you're better."

"You know me so well." He laughed. "It's good to hear you laugh again, love." He smiled, moving to her and leaving the box. "I hate to leave you, but if I don't go and scare the pants off the DJ in the flat upstairs, and which ever girl he's currently with, I wont have any music tonight." Ace sighed. "I hate wolves."

"Ohh? I adore them.. they make my job so very, very easy." She commented on his opinion of wolves with a smile as she slowly came to her feet.

"Is there anything you don't adore?" He laughed again... more in the last hour than he had in the last three years. "You're more than welcome to take him off my hands if you can find me a good DJ and fast.."

"Yes.. I found there are a few things.. and certain people I don't adore. Just as I made you a better person, you also changed me.. thank you."