Positive

[Lovely]

February 8, 2009
5 p.m.
Veinna Estate - Justin's room

She wasn't in bed when he came back from the door, getting the message he'd been waiting for to confirm it. He found her in the washroom, running the cool water though he was pretty sure the fever was gone, not that it would make her feel better, only different. He leaned at the doorway watching her. "He said it's positive," he told her though she may not have heard him well over the running water despite the hearing he knew was sharp like his own. He almost didn't want to say it louder, not certain how she'd take the news.

Tasa had woken up feeling strange which had shifted more to ill in the past few minutes, she took the opprotunity to head into the bathroom while Justin answered the door. This ill wasn't like the fever she'd had or really like anything she'd experienced before, Justin had convinced her to let Aberto draw her blood to run tests last night. She felt him come into the bathroom as she leaned over the sink, cold water running from the tap which she dabbed over her face and neck. She paused and took a deep breath after he'd spoken. "What did you just say?"

"What part did you miss? He said it's positive. I asked if you knew what that means," he said again softly from the doorway, watching her. He knew, but he had no idea how she was going to take that news.

Her face tilted up and her eyes met his in the reflection, darkening and narrowing a bit. "Why don't you tell me exactly what that means..hmm?" The water ran over her fingers, forgotten for the moment as her attention focused on him.

"It means, Taz... Taisian... ... shit, c'mon, you know exactly what it means. I'm happy with it, but I want to know what you think. You need me to say it? I can be straight up or I can be gentle about it, but the result is the same. All that playing... well maybe I wasn't playing. You've got our k-...," he broke off, watching her expression in the mirror. The fever was gone and with good reason.

Her jaw clenched as did her fist, a dangerous sounding growl rolled from her and her arm pulled back, in a flash her hand slammed into the large mirror over the sink. The force was enough to shake the wall as the mirror shattered, large and small shards of glass raining down over the tiles. "Maybe you weren't playing..?" She whispered softly, pulling her hand toward her again to pick the glass out of her knuckles.

"Playing for keeps, alright?" He sighed as his eyes closed to the shattering glass, waiting for the sound to stop. "I wasn't playing around at all. I love you, alright? And I told you, there were only two ways you'd get past the fever. You still haven't said how you feel about it. Though I can kinda tell how you feel about me right now."

Blood and glass dripped to the floor as she tossed aside shards and glared at him. "You have no idea how I feel about you.. or anything right now." She whispered, her tone holding a warning and a caution not to assume too much. "Playing for keeps.. that's great! You didn't have to knock me up to keep me, but it's a good way to get rid of me." She tried to ignore that he'd said he loved her, she loved him and she'd not be able to hide that in her scent even if she could in her words.

"Maybe I did, and maybe not, Taz. Think how that fever made you feel. The craving? The insatiable need? Maybe I did have to to help keep you from hurting yourself or doing something you'd regret," he murmured, trying to push the urge aside to help wrap her hand and help seal the wounds. His own scent, protective, strong, deeply caring, would tell her he wasn't lying and couldn't if he wanted to. "Alright, so I don't know. Tell me then." He still blocked most of the doorway as he glanced back up at her.

[Lovely]

"You want to know how I feel? Thats.. " She shook her head, laughing though it sounded like she was close to crying. She wanted to hit him, throttle him, scream what the hell had he been thinking. But he was right, that fever.. oh it had done something to her alright.. the craving for him had driven her mad.. how many times had they? She didn't even know she'd only known the burning and aching she felt and the only thing that had made it better was him filling her over and over. It had felt like she was going to go mad, like she might die if she didn't have him inside her.. and he'd kept her from that, taken care of her, eased the ache. She took a swing at him, anyway -there was so much more than that fever to consider.

He tried to catch her hand, hold it, keep her from running, maybe pull her closer if she'd let him, but the swing was fast. "Taz, listen to me. I want this to work, but it can't work just for me and that child. I need to know if it's going to work for you or not."

"Work for me? I don't have a choice now!!" She spat at him, trying to step around him and head into his room, at least it was a little more open and she could move around. The bathroom wasn't small but suddenly seemed tiny and closing in around her. "What the f*ck do I know about this? My mother left me to die when I was three.. I've bounced from orphanage to foster homes all my life! What the hell do I know about being a mother?"

"It starts with this, here, you and me talking and not yelling," he tried to say calming, letting her pass, knowing she needed to, to breathe, to think.

"What if I need to yell?" She asked him softly, taking in a shaky breath as she paced the length of his room towards the door. Tasa leaned against the door for a minute and then turned to pace in the other direction. She was on edge, worried... scared, she looked at him as she passed, wrapping her arms around herself. "How the hell am I supposed to do this? I've never stayed in one place for long, I don't know the first thing about being a mom, I don't even have a home.. hell I don't have a job.. and the kind of stuff I would normally do.. I can't do that if I'm.. " She closed her eyes trying to even out her breathing, which was starting to come out in pants.

"Okay, then you yell and I'll listen. If you listen to me. You have a home, here or the hotel, your choice if you want them. You don't need a job if you don't want one.. or can't find one. I'll help - either way, I'll help. I don't know the first thing about being a mom either," he tried to tease, reaching out to her to still her pacing. "Taz, c'mon. You're not alone. I told you that."

Her bloody hand dropped to her tummy and she looked down, as he reached to still her. "Yeah.. I guess I'm definately not alone." Her words were murmured and she slowly brought her gaze up to his. "Justin.. what if I'm no good at this?"

"You'll be excellent with this," he smiled softly as he stepped closer. "I meant I'm not pushing you out the door to handle this on your own. I'm here. No one's leaving you anywhere for any reason I can think of. I know you haven't met that much of my ... of this family, but you're my family, and that little guy, he... she... is our family. I think you're going to do great."

"Yeah .. easy for you to say." She sighed, leaning to gently rest her head on his shoulder. "You're not the one who is going to have seven years of bad luck."

"Heh, what are you talking about? I just lived through 24 and going strong," he whispered, teasing, but understanding. He wrapped around her and lifting her injured hand to his kiss, licking over the wound lightly.

It stung and she hissed a breath out, flinching slightly but not pulling her hand away. "I made a pretty big mess, huh?"

[Lovely]

"Not really. Just the third one this year," he teased. "It's only glass and this will heal. Tell you what though, there's a few more people I want you to meet. When you're up to it. We should go somewhere a little while for some air, though. Let the maids clean that up, let me clean you up and we can talk?"

"Where would we go?" She let him have her hand, her other arm finally sliding around his waist and closing the gap between them. "It's bleeding pretty good.. damn." She sighed, dropping her head back to his shoulder.

"Give it a minute. Just don't clench a fist. I don't know if you ever noticed it before, but you really should heal pretty damned fast," he said, taking her hand back up to his lips. "Just take a deep breath. We can go wherever you want to. Back to the hotel, for a run down by the lake, a drive, maybe grab a movie, whatever. Or I can give you the tour of this place if it wouldn't creep you out too bad right now."

"I do.. it's already better than it was when I pulled the chunks of glass out." Taz smiled a little sheepishly. She considered the choices and shrugged. "I don't know.. right now I feel a bit like my head is spinning.. again."

"Well I could help with that, you know," he teased, pursing the smile away trying not to be too light. "Feel like you could manage some food? I know this little place... run down little diner, bad but cheap food?"

"Know any place that has decent food that's not very expensive.. I don't think cheap food is the way to go right now."

"I was kidding. Laurie would cook you up anything you'd want, but yes, I do know a few places. Oh, and take a look in the closet. The girls brought you a few things you might like. If you want something that's more your own style, I'm okay with shopping too, if you want, but for right now, there should be something you can use."

"Did my hair dry funny?" She teased, just a little, she didn't want to step away from him to go look in the closet so she held onto his hand as she started over. "I suppose I can deal with this.." She murmured as she dug through what was there. "..maybe.. did you know there are skirts in here?"

"They're not mine, so don't panic. I think you'd look awesome in a skirt, but that's just me. Why not dress up a little. I can take you someplace a little more special?"

"Only if there are shoes to go with this." She turned part way, pushing a short black skirt and a soft pink shirt at his chest, by the looks both would fit and shape nicely around her curves.

"On the shelf. I think every girl in this house owns eight pairs of black heels," he nodded up to the handful of boxes that had been brought in. "Belts, and whatever else you want, if you don't see it, I'm sure it's here somewhere."

Her squeal was delighted and unexpected as she came upon a pair of stappy heels that 'laced' up the calve. "I always wanted a pair of these!! Oh my gosh.. they still have the -these haven't even been worn??"

He shrugged. "It happens. I guess that means they're yours now. I'm glad there was something you liked in there."

She was giggling, her eyes sparkling with amusement as she turned fully to wrap her arms around him. She hugged him, nuzzling to his cheek and neck.

"Hmm... if you get this excited, maybe I should take you shopping," he hummed, curling under the nuzzles and curling around her. "Half tempted to dress you up and keep you here..."

"mmm I will want some clothes of my own if I'm going to be sticking around awhile." She murmured, nuzzling a little more.

[Lovely]

*******************

She seemed to love the shoes and warmed to the idea of going out. He didn't want to ruin that warmth with tedious conversation, or chance running out of things to say, before they'd even gotten half-way to the restaurant. Justin had the car arranged, but opted instead to be the driver himself. He offered his hand as a resting place for her own, but understood if it wasn't taken or she needed to fidget and preen or simply stew about what had happened so far. He hoped his calmness would help her. The restaurant was a little more upscale than he'd let on, having valets at the ready and doormen to greet and take coats... and hats and canes. The place was a drop-back to the 40's and had the same cigar and gin polish to it that the movies seemed to have. Large brass lettering scrolled and swirled over each of the double doors, making the handles that were pulled open for them by the men who smiled their greetings to her chaperone with apparent recognition. "Hope you're ready for this," he winked, offering her the first step into this other world.

Taisian had been silent the entire drive, staring out the window as the scenery whipped by. She found herself drawn inside, a little misty in her eyes, overwhelmed, confused.. not speaking had been easiest for that time. She almost reached for his hand a few times, but had paused and ended up playing with her hair or brushing at her eyes to help keep the mist from turning into water works. The place he brought her to was impressive and they had not even gotten in the door, she felt small and out classed. Valets and people opening doors, they knew him it seemed and she glanced down at herself, feeling as though she should be wearing something more elagant. "Most definately not ready." She murmured in return, taking a step closer to him now and reaching to curl to his arm, her hand tucking into his elbow. "I feel like I should be wearing pearls or something." Being intimidated by the splendor around them, brought her closer to him and his security. By some standards the place was not that upscale, but for Tasa it was definately something to take in. Her eyes roamed over the details and finery as they walked together.

"No need for pearls. You're beautiful just like you are, Taz. These guys are great and will get you anything you want. Even dancing if you're up to it, huh? C'mon, we're at the back," he said calmly as always, going only as fast or slow as she wanted. The tables seemed to sink away and hide from view making several private nooks, but all seemed to have a view looking down over the city.

She shook her head at his words and looked around again. "No.. no.. I definately need something to be in a place like this.. it's like comparing mud pies to wedding cakes."

"Hey... come here," he whispered, trying to get her to focus on just him for a moment as he whispered. "Don't talk like that, okay? Please? You've all that and more, the way you shine. It's not about glitter, it's about fire. You... are fire... alright?"

He managed to get a slight chuckle from her. "You better mind your sleeve then or you might go up in flames." Her gaze came around slowly to him and she offered a weak smile, trying to mind him but still feeling odd. In borrowed clothes and well nothing beneath -she had this thing about other peoples under things, no mater how clean or.. so she'd simply gone without. Something about this place made her feel like she needed to be classy, refined.. and wearing underwear.

"You're something else," he mused. "Just relax. It's just you and me and the city lights, see? These folks are just minding their own like we're going to... except Reggie's been known to be a little too attentive on refilling drinks."

[Lovely]

"Oh.." She really didn't have much to say on the matter, she didn't know this place. She hoped that she'd relax some once they sat down, perhaps if they were in some quiet corner out of view, where she couldn't see other people much and they couldn't see her. She was just on edge in general, she had moments of calm, then it all would hit her again. Tasa wouldn't mind Reggie refilling her drink over and over.. except she couldn't do that, not if she wanted to be able to look at herself in the mirror. As much as this was unplanned on her part, though not exactly accidental if she understood correctly about what the fever had been doing to her. "I'll probably feel better once we're settled."

"Back this way," he nodded, moving a hand to help usher her but not stray too far from holding her. Their table was nicely secluded and the nearest people to them were the level below, nearly out of view. "I think you'll be fine back here. Almost invisible, though I hope you don't hide too much, cuz, damn, girl..."

"Damn what?.. is it that bad?" She half twisted to look down behind her, thinking her skirt had ridden up or something. She caught his expression and the way he'd said the words hit her, delayed effect and she shook her head, pushing his arm lightly. "Don't do that to me when I'm being all paranoid and stuff."

He chuckled lightly, but held it down with a finger over his lip to keep quiet and not embarrass her worse. "You're fine," he reassured her, though checking out her skirt and length of leg in the laced-up shoes wasn't something he was shy about as he let her slide into the deep booth ahead of him.

Her eyes narrowed, though not truly angry and she leaned to growl-whisper in his ear. "You're soo lucky we are in a nice resturant or I'd kick your ass so bad!" Her eyes held a certain gleam as she stepped back and slid into the booth, giving him an eyeful of long lean legs and shapely calves in the heels and the curve of her rear beneath the pulled tight fabric as she shifted ahead of him.

"Save it for when we get home. There's a room, free of tables and doors, I might add... if you're game," he offered, half-serious, though he was reluctant to play rough at the moment.

"Oh where's the fun in that?" She teased, relaxing again for a moment, though how long it would last this time was the question. She wasn't serious though, knowing very well a fight like the one they had that night would not be wise with the new knowledge she had about what was 'wrong' with her.

"Plenty of other toys instead," he added, letting her work over the thought some more if she wanted to consider it. Their work-out room offered enough to keep the pack honed in most of their physical skills. For the moment, he let it go and let her relax and breathe. "I think I have other fun in mind instead, though."

"I think I'll pass." She said softly, folding her hands together gently and letting them rest on the edge of the table. She glanced to him with a hint of a smile and then let her eyes wander over the table, focusing on the place setting in front of her.

[Lovely]

**********************

Reggie was concerned when dinner ended early. The man followed after them with profuse apologies although Justin insisted it wasn't any fault of the cook, the staff or the ambience. "She's tired, I'm tired, Reggie. We're going home early." He'd left it at that, but hoped that wasn't the last that was said on the way home. He simply didn't want to push, but maybe she read more into his silence than he intended. His hand was offered if Taz would take it, but he kept focused more on the road, trying not to dote and smother despite his concern.

She folded into the car when they left, feeling nearly embarrassed for him as he had to explain their departure. Tasa felt out of sorts and had not eaten much though the food was very good. They drove in silence again and she stared at his hand for awhile. She'd not taken it on the way there and now it was offered again. Slowly she shifted her hand and let her fingers brush over his.

Her touch seemed to shatter whatever tense veil covered him and he relaxed a little, gently clasping her fingers. "Anywhere you want to go, just tell me." He looked over briefly to offer a small smile. "The park, home...whatever sounds good right now." For him, he was feeling a need to visit the punching bag a while or swim a few laps to get the crawling tension out of his neck that made his fingers twitch. It wasn't her he was upset with. He was warring with himself, but how could he explain it? To her, she didn't yet understand the subtle difference, only that it was anxiety and that it smelled pretty much the same regardless of the target.

Her own confusion wasn't going to help her sort out anything she was getting from his scent, tough the anxiety rang through. Home.. what did that word mean anymore? When was the last time she'd had a real home? It had been so long and she'd been drifting with what she thought was direction but had come to find out was aimless wandering. He was the sort of anchor she needed though her pride and stubborn streak didn't want to admit he was what she wanted. "Just ho.. home.."

After a moment of staring straight ahead, he nodded slightly. "Alright, we'll just go home. I need that a second," he said, wiggling his fingers for her to free them a moment so he could shift and adjust a few controls.

Her arm curled and came around her middle once she released his hand, her gaze drifting to the window. She wasn't really seeing anything that they passed, just blurs as she kept blinking the mist from her eyes. She wasn't weak, she didn't cry and she certainly didn't want him to see her break down.

"Are you okay?" It was automatic, but he sighed, realizing again that he was prying and pushing. "I'm sorry. We'll just... yeah, going home." He adjusted the air, chilling it down a touch to dull the steam and scents as best he could. The radio was turned on softly to add some noise to help.

"I'm not weak.." She whispered, the music simply made a sound buffer that broke her down. The gasp was soft but feral ears wouldn't miss it or the way her breathing changed. She was crying, nearly silently, her hand pulled up to her face as she lost that bit of control over her emotions.

He offered his hand again. It wasn't as long a ride going home after the evening traffic had thinned. There wasn't enough of it to pull his attention away from the quiet sounds beside him. "You're not weak, Taz. Overwhelmed is not the same thing. I promise you, it'll all be okay."

She wiped at her eyes with one hand, she'd known he'd hear her but hadn't been able to stop from crying. "I hate feeling this.. not in control.. of myself.. my life." She reached for his hand, hers was trembling as it grasped for his fingers.

[Lovely]

Again he held gently, but wasn't letting go for a while. "You've never had more control than you do right now. I mean that. Anywhere you want to be, anyone you want to be, you can. I'll make it happen, okay?" He hoped it would be with him, but... his teeth ground a little, his jaw tensed. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know.." She answered quietly, letting a ragged breath out, her other hand coming up. Her elbow rested on the thin edge of door beside the window and her fingers played softly over her lips. "I'm not in control anymore.. there's something else living inside of me, that has it now."

He wasn't sure what she meant by that. He wasn't female to have any idea what she was truly feeling physically. Emotionally, he could guess. "I wish I could say one way or the other, Taz, but I can't," he said, thankful that they were turning onto the road that led to the estate now with the main drive nearly in view ahead in the lights. "I can't tell you what you think or how you should feel, but I can tell you what I hope." He glanced over again, wondering if he should just shut up and let her calm slowly instead once they got inside.

She turned her gaze slowly over to him, there was nothing but darkness and shadowy trees out the window now. "Then tell me.. what's inside of me.. is half you. I think that gives us both the right to say and think and feel.. and know how the other is as well."

"I think you're not going to like what I say because you might not understand it. If you keep saying or thinking about not being weak, fighting yourself to think you have to overcome it, you won't. I hope you'll get past it to just be strong, like I know you are, like I know that baby is going to be. I've lived this life knowing what I am, but I can't help you understand what you are if you don't let me."

"I just feel like everything is out of my control. This is happening and I can't stop it.. this baby is growing inside of me... right now and it's going to change me and do things to my body that I have no say over.. it's just going to happen. I don't know if you can understand what that feels like.. It's .. scary."

"Not exactly, no. Closest I have is knowing what I felt like the first time I stared in a mirror at red eyes and radar-dish ears. I didn't want it to happen, but knowing that it's a natural progression, part of me and something miraculous... maybe I do understand - it's something a large part of the population will never understand and even more will never have the ability to accomplish," he grinned, trying to be helpful. "We're almost there, okay? We can talk inside. I think I can hook you up with something that can calm you down without hurting you, too. Sound good?"

She nodded, listening to all he had to say, it did help that he was trying to understand. "I'm.. calm.. aren't I?" She asked him softly, her eyebrow arching up a little. Though coming back to te estate made her slightly tense for a moment, it was like it's own private little country.

"Under the circumstances? Maybe more than I would be," he sighed. He almost chuckled, but didn't want to make it worse. The gate swung open as he pulled up as if sensing his urgency, but it was simply someone in the booth paying close attention. The change to the gravel and stones growled under the car as he pulled around to the front. "I can let you out here and meet you inside unless you want to come around with me up the back."

She looked up to the looming massive house and chuckled softly. "I think I'll stay with you. You might not find me for days if I wander down the wrong hall."

[Lovely]

"Trust me," he inhaled sharply and chuckled this time. "I'd find you, easy. Could be fun, though, a little hide and seek, huh?" His smile was warm, though he sighed again. Why did this family have to make things so hard sometimes?

"Well then.. I guess tag you're it.." She touched his shoulder lightly as she darted in for a barely there tease of a kiss and pulled the handle on the door. She was out of the car in a flash and jogging lightly into the house to 'hide' for him to find once he put the car away.

"What the hell?" He laughed as the car door was flung closed and she slipped into the shadows. What he could see of her was nice to watch, he had to admit. Justin shook his head at himself and rolled the car around to put it up for the night. He was putting the keys away and launching himself up the back stairs nearly as quickly as she'd run off. He hadn't put a time limit on the 'game', but he'd find her. He wanted to find her quickly enough to insist that he wanted her closeby. He also hoped she hadn't just run in to pack and leave the minute she was out of sight.

She left him clues as she wandered down halls, around corners, and up stairs. Her coat was the first, left draped over a runner table in the hall. Next were the strappy sandals by the railing as she went on in her bare feet, looking at the impressive art and decor as she wandered.

As soon as he'd rounded the back stairs he inhaled the stale air in the room and the connecting hall by the kitchen. The scent brought him all the way to the front entry where the chase began. Her coat was left on the table. Henry would have a fit if it stayed there, but only because the old man feared getting blamed by Scotty for things out of place. Justin did him the favor of taking the coat with him as he followed the trail. Finding the shoes next and getting a blushing grin, he wondered how far she might willingly wander before running out of 'breadcrumbs' to leave behind her. His steps fell faster, wanting to save her that worry. Marcus was in the house somewhere and likely to want to play as well, though he wasn't invited.

The shirt that covered the camisole came off as she rounded the corner and started down another hall. The light material fluttered down to catch on the ornate scrolling edge of the woodwork. She went on 'scampering' like a playful nymph and nearly clad like one as well. Her attention was caught by a massive but beautiful painting around another coner and here she paused. Staying to admire, she stood, one foot slightly behind her, knee bent and her ankle crossed behind the other.

"Well now, aren't you a pretty picture, yourself?" The voice was low and quiet, the inhale slow and languishing as the steps came closer from the other end of the hall. Marcus looked up to the painting she gawked at, but didn't find it nearly as amusing as the squeaktoy in front of it. "Where's your master... b*tch?" His head tilted, curiously, intrigued that Justin's little broodwitch was left unattended in nearly nothing.

Her head turned at the voice and her eyes narrowed at his words. She barely kept herself from snarling at him, but he was part of Justin's family and she didn't want him pissed at her -even if this guy was an asshole. She turned her gaze back to the painting, though she was acutely aware of where the guy was. She could smell him and the scent offended her, she hoped he would go back under whatever rock he'd slinked from beneath.

"I asked you a question. I'm sure you understand me." He stepped closer into her 'space'. "Boy, he sure knows how to pick 'em. Were you this quiet when he banged you, babe? I could do better... make you howl," he grinned, smelling the air around them.

"I understood you just fine. I chose not to reply." She shrugged nonchalantly, her lips twitching as he purposely came into 'her space'. Her eyes darkened but she didn't lash out. "Was that howling with laughter at your pathetic attempts? And the rest is really none of your business.. though I'm positive you couldn't do better and I'm not interested."