Trying to understand

[Lovely]

February 5, 2009
night
Veinna Estate - Justin's room

The two feral wolves had spent much time engaged in vigorous, fevered activty and finally wore themselves out, at least temporarily. Justin and Tasa drifted off curled up together on the bed, sometime later they stirred and Tasa was greeted with a warm grin and his voice murmuring. "Hi there."

She blinked sleepily and grinned back at him. "Hi...wow.. what time is it?" Tasa looked around the darkened room.

"Night... sometime. I wasn't keeping track," he sighed behind the smile, stretching back out from his comfortable curl.

Tasa stretched as well, smiling at him with a still sleepy expression. With a little giggle she crawled back closer to him. "Mmm night.. uh huh I guess it is.." Her lips brushed over his abdomen in soft kisses and very gentle nibbles.

"Hey... nanana... that tickles, quit it," he jumped, curling tightly back around her. "Hmm... then again, I like this." He returned the favor nibbling on her shoulder.

"Hey.. you can't nibble me!" She teasingly scolded him, giggling againg and smoothing herself against his warmth. "Shhh.. don't tell -but I think I like this.. in general.. you know the being with you part."

"Please... who would I tell? Why would I tell? I'm keeping you all to myself. I think some wiseman... heh... young wiseass... told me I should, too. I like the sound of that, actually... 'mine all mine'... has a nice ring."

"Ohhhh." She pulled his hands to wrap him tighter around her and let her back rest against his chest. "Does that mean.. you're mine all mine too?" She giggled turning her head to steal a kiss from him. "..do I get to use and abuse you.. any time I want?"

"Damn straight... he said that too, come to think of it," he grinned, stealing another, longer kiss.

"mmmm.." She lingered, letting the kiss go on and on, finally she eased back to rest her head on the pillow. "Keep that up and we're going to have all sorts of madness again." She smiled, feeling oddly content at the moment, hungry for him but not wildly feverish, though she was certain that madness could be stirred up again.

"You see me minding? Heh... that would be a first... me minding anyone," he said as an aside. "See... there... a first for me, too, how about that?" He settled down, bunching his own pillow between his ear and shoulder, watching her.

She shook her head, chuckling as she rolled to face him, mirroring his pose as she settled comfortably to watch him.

"What?" He grinned. "I'm serious. I wouldn't mind. Use and abuse at will. I gave you that invitation - it's still open."

[Lovely]

"What.. cant I admire the scenery?" She smiled, reaching a hand out to trail her fingers over his chest. "Just thinking.. about nothing and everything."

"Who's driving who mad?" He smiled, laying back under her touch and blinking contently at the ceiling. "Don't think too hard, just... I dunno, just be, I guess. Whatever you feel like."

"I'll keep that in mind." Her chuckle was as soft as her smile as she watched him. Her fingers still in light motion over him, she shifted up and over to kiss where her fingers played. "I don't know... why don't you tell me what I feel like?"

"Right now?" He turned to watch her, pulling his arm from behind his head to curl around her and play lightly through her hair. "Pretty incredible. And pretty ornery. That's what I get for having too much human in me, I guess. Want to just kick that madness right on out.. not that I don't want to keep going just because."

She sighed, letting the breath out warmly over his skin. "It's alright.. I'm okay like this.. just being close.. if you want me to stop I will." Her voice grew soft and perhaps a little shy as well. "Remember when I mentioned that not dating thing.. well.. never did this stuff either... kinda goes together. This isn't madness.. this is just me admiring and appreciating you." Tasa slid up to come face to face with him, her arm curling around and over him. "I can do that from up here too.. I don't want you to think.. that's all I have in mind.. or want from you.. though I can't say I don't want it.. I'm not making much sense am I?"

"I understand it. It's okay. This house, the people I work for, well, they're like my family enough to be my own, so don't get the wrong idea here, but there are other girls here a lot like you. But thankfully, not like you. They're my nieces, you know? Anyway, I get it, I understand it. And no. I mean, no, I don't want you to stop and no, I don't think that way about you."

Her brow furrowed a bit and she nodded slowly. "Uh huh.. " Settling down next to him, she mulled over what he said, making sense of what she could. She knew the families from the outside, not from within to have a full understanding of how things should be. Her kiss was light on his shoulder as she curled to him. "How big is your family?"

"My real family.. I don't know. Just me as far as I know. I was adopted here. I was a really young pup at the time, but had a knack for alley fights like all-get-out," he mused proudly. "Who knew it would land me here. This place, this family... huge. This big italian family that's married into half of northern Europe or owns it, it seems. I don't mean to scare you, but you asked ... and you deserve an honest answer. They take care of their own here. But I guess you kinda know that first-hand now."

Her arm curled off him and tucked into her chest, her eyes growing a bit distant as she stared at his shoulder. "Yeah I do know.." Her voice was hushed and she tried to ignore the chill that crawled over her. "Guess you're lucky to be counted as one of them."

"Shhh... Taisian, I'm sorry, okay?" He shifted to keep his warmth around her if she'd let him. "You're one of them too, with me. I wasn't kidding around when I said it before and I'm not now. My family, the one that's just me. I want you to be part of it."

[Lovely]

"Yeah.." She mumbled quietly to him telling her he was sorry, it wasn't that she didn't believe he was. "I'm not.. not a part of them." She shook her head, but didn't push him away as he curled around her.

"Fair enough," he sighed, hugging her softly and kissing her shoulder. "I don't say things I don't mean. Just remember that, okay? That I want you to stay, or come and go as you want, if you want. I won't make you stay here, though you're welcome to anytime, and I don't want you to leave, because I do want you to be part of my family. It's a lot, I know it is, but like I said, you deserve that truth and I'll make sure you get it, along with any other answers I can give."

"How often am I going to wake up.. caged up in.. wherever it was?" She asked with a tense edge in her voice, keeping her head tilted down, though she inched closer to him. "Can't it just be you and me.. somewhere?"

"Like here, right now? It can be. Or name the place and I'll be there wherever you are. It's not a place to be hated and feared, Taz. It's just... well he just needed to be sure you were really going to be okay and with the ... madness, fever, hotflash thing... it may have saved your life," he added. The connection would be obscure, but it was the truth. If the tests had come back any other way, he'd have found a way to keep her, somehow, be with her, knowing that it would put a shadow of the family curse on them both.

"I didn't know.. how was I supposed to know.. he was trying to help? No one could just tell me that? Do you know what it was like to suddenly wake up like that?" Her head tilted to finally look at him again, the distress was clear in her eyes. "I have never liked hospitals or doctors.. not since my first memory.. when I was found.. But I just came to and it was all scary and crazy."

He nodded, "With a bright light in your face in a room of strangers and someone you've never met before holding a needle and parts of your body that your own mother wouldn't touch... if you knew who she was, but that's beside the point. A broken arm, a broken leg and fur in places I didn't know had fur or were supposed to and not knowing a thing about anything. Scared f*cking shitless and couldn't run if I wanted to. And damn I wanted to, but I couldn't and didn't, but gave them a run anyway. Yeah, I kinda do know," he sighed into another kiss on her shoulder.

"And you stayed? After they did that to you?" Her head shook, she didn't understand it. "I have never been so scared.. I seriously thought he was going to kill me.. and I couldn't do anything about it."

"That's why I'm not thrilled he put me under, but it's probably good or I'd have killed him myself, I'm pretty sure of that now," he shook his head. "Aberto wouldn't kill anyone. He is a doctor. He's unconventional and a little out there with some of his ideas, but he's a sweet man. Just don't tell him I said that. He'll deny every word. He's thorough, and despite being scary... well, alright, he is scary, no way around that, but he truly means well. But enough about him. How can I take your mind of it, hm?"

She listened and believed that he honestly felt and believed as he described. Her shoulders gave a slight shrug and her head shook a little. "Not sure.. my mind gets stuck on things and then it's not.. distract me.. talk to me about something else.. " She hummed softly. "Work .. or something.. I could use some tips.. you probably know the area better. I heard some talk of .. a ring, that pays quite well.. might be worth looking into."

He chuckled. "Now what makes you think I'd know about a ring, hm?" His eyes sparkled with promises and mischief as he 'snuck' up over her and hovered. "There's a price for information," he teased, making hints of other ways he planned on distracting her.

[Lovely]

".. just thought you might.. you know with those wild and rough edges.. you might know a few shady things, besides me." She grinned up at him, letting her hand untuck from her chest and gently curl around his shoulder.

"I might... but this rough, sweet and shady thing is all that's on my mind right now," he whispered. "Tell me what kind of work you really want, legal... or not... and I'll see what I can round up for you. Now, don't give me that look. I won't set you up, I'll just wind you up and set you loose. I know you want to do your thing your way," he smiled.

"I'm not particular.. not when it comes to work. I'll do any -mmm almost anything for the right price.. the better the pay the more I like it.. I do what I have to, to get by and pay what bills I have while I'm where I am.. "

"You've got a room at the Brookshire as long as you want it, same price," he reminded her. "Yours without heat and electric on top of it and all the hot water you could want. We'll get you a new table, though... mmm maybe a different room on a lower floor," he winked.

"A room that you're paying for.. and I have to pay you back for.. The longer I go without, the more I'll owe you." She sighed, staring up at the ceiling and curling her arm above her head on the pillow.

"Taz, c'mon. You're worrying again and you really don't need to. You've got as long as you need. It's not like I'm strapped for cash. You don't have to pay me a cent. I know, I know, you don't want to be in debt to anyone. I get it, but give yourself a break.... try at least."

"I don't want to feel like I owe you something .. that I have to be here because you're my ride.. it's not about giving myself a break. I have some dignity you know?" She sighed again, closing her eyes as her jaw tightened. "You might not be strapped for cash, but I have always taken care of myself.. "

"So... give yourself a break," he repeated, chuckling gently. "Let someone else take care of you for a little while. Take a breather, relax, maybe enjoy a few things without stressing over it. Like a date. Come out with me."

"Yeah.. I'm out of here." She pushed herself up on her elbows to swing her legs over to the side to slide off the bed.

"What? What do you mean 'yeah', like 'yeah' you will or 'yeah' you're taking off and running?"

"As in yeah.. I need to get out of here.. before I get any more warm fuzzy feelings and give you my leash .. or something.. I'm not going to play house with you until I get so boring you drop me for some hot little tart!" What the hell was wrong with her? She never acted like this. Her hand went to her head as if she didn't feel well. "Where the hell are my clothes?"

"In your bag and I think you better sit down," Justin murmured, at her side to catch her as she stopped suddenly, though he'd only intended to keep her from going. "It's not like that. Playing house or whatever, so don't get your hopes up. I meant, putting your feet up and taking a break, just like it sounded. And just so you know, I'm not like that. Yeah, I haven't settled, but I don't shuffle girls like f*cking cards, either. I don't know what I said to set you off or make you think that, but if you take a good whiff of the reality here, I'm trying to help you, I like you... more than like and I'd kill for you if that means anything. So if you want to, sure, go ahead and go. Your bag's over there and you've got all you want, so... whatever you want."

"I didn't say you did!" She snapped, though her knees buckled and she sagged, reaching for something to hold her up. "What the hell?" She mumured, blinking a few times. "it's ... not you.. if I stay.. the way I keep feeling... I'll want to.. give you my leash ok. and if you don't want it.. you know?.. I just don't know what to do with that or how to deal with this.. and why am I feeling like this?"

[Lovely]

"I want you.. not your leash, alright? Nobody's ever drawn me before... and I like it. Makes me feel special, without having to do anything for anybody.. just me being me, not doing some job. I like how this feels, not this... arguing, but this, you and me here," he pointed, offering her an arm for stability. "And I'd like you to take it easy. You might be healed, but the sedatives even kick my ass and I'm almost twice your size. You haven't eaten either." He could go on, but the one thought that nearly fell out on its own was held back... Aberto's tampering.

"Yeah.." She leaned first into his arm then shifting closer against his chest. ".. food. Could be why I'm so cranky.. and dizzy when I moved.. must be.." She chuckled a little, closing her eyes. "I'm sorry.. really I'm not usually a total b*tch like this.. I mean I can be, but.. nevermind.. "

"S'okay, just have a seat. It wears off eventually," he said, though not bringing her any closer to sitting than she was. He stood still letting her get her bearings. "Tell me what sounds good. We can either go down to the kitchen, or you can stay here and have it brought up."

"Do you think anyone will protest me going to the kitchen naked?"

Justin's eyebrow raised and he paused a short moment before the laugh rang out. He shook his head. "A house of wolvish men? No, they wouldn't protest. I might though. Sorry, but I am a little selfish. Still hot?"

She nodded, though smiling a bit now. "Very warm.. but it feels different since we woke up.. are you sure I'm not sick? This is natural?.. cause I feel.. out of sync with myself.. I don't know, maybe it's the sedatives." She shook her head slightly, and chuckled, letting her arms slide around him. She inhaled his scent softly, licking his chest lightly. "Sooo what would you do if made a run for the door right now?" She teased, feeling like she must be losing her mind.

"Watch your bare ass bounce down the hall," he smiled, liking the attention and shuttering his eyes in the pleasure of it. "I don't know if the sedatives, but it probably is. That and all that... exercise we've had since yesterday."

"But I don't know where the kitchen is.. I could just wander anywhere.. in a house full of wolfish men? mmm dunno how wise that is.." She continued to tease him, feeling better with her eyes closed, her tongue lapped softly over his chest and shoulders. "hmmm perhaps it would be better if we went straight back to bed.."

"Works for me. What sounds good then? I'll have it brought up. You know, we have hot water here, too. Through there if you need it," he mentioned, drawing her attention to his shower.

"Perhaps after we have eaten, the dizziness is kinda kicking my ass a bit. I don't think fainting in the shower would be very fun for either of us.. but after I have my strength back.. you are so in for slip and slide in the suds.. what are your feelings on bubble baths?"

"I'd love to watch you take one. I'm a hose on the back porch, rinse and run kinda guy, but I've been known to appreciate a good soak for the right reasons. So you're on," he agreed. "But for now, an order to the kitchen and a few pounds on that snooze button, hm?"

"Well I have never been much for them either.. I was just thinking.. I might enjoy one if shared with the right person." She smiled, staying close and in his embrace, snuggling to him and laughing at herself. "What have you done to me?"

"A little of this," he murmured, kissing her hair and running his fingers down her back. "And some of that."

[Lovely]

"Oh.. I think I remember that.. I think I like when you do that." Tasa nibbled his shoulder lightly, a show of affection she'd come to favor quickly -having discovered it with him.

"You think? Maybe I'll need to do it some more and let you think about it. Come over here and let's... discuss it a little more, hm?" He stepped back toward the bed, pulling her to follow.

"You might convince me.." She followed slowly, not straying far from him and coming back into his chest to give him a nudge. Gently pushing him back and tackling if he'd let her, softly to the cushion of his bed.

"Helluva lot better landing than the table," he teased, falling down beneath her, but pulling her closely to his kiss.

Taz growled softly, something warm and loving in the sound as she draped over him, following him again, this time into the tender kiss she couldn't hold back. "Just so you know... I'd kill for you.. "

"Really? Great... how about porkchops for breakfast? Kidding...," he smirked, stealing another kiss. The teasing flowed away quickly as he watched her eyes, smelled it on her. "You mean that. Taz... I ... just because... I mean you don't have to if you're not... if you don't want to."

Her fingers slid into his hair and she held him tenderly but firmly in a strong grip, her growl purring over his neck. "I'd die for you.." She whispered, her breath hot in his ear as she let him know that she meant it.

The sound of her words and her voice carried deeper than she could have known. As easily as he'd accepted her it seemed he'd worked his way into some part of her heart beyond the fever. The fever... he noted that had changed, the scent was still rich and enticing, but carried something else with it. Her breath on his ear was warm enough and he curled into it, seeking the comfort it gave him and turning her down to lay beside him.

Tasa curled beside him, the fire in her eyes shining as she gazed over him, her lips trailed over his skin lightly. "Baby.." She giggled softly. "feeeeeed me... I'm starving!" She pulled his arms around her and let their hands rest together over her abdomen. She felt so content with him, like this was where she was supposed to be, any sign of her foul mood from earlier had all but disappeared.

He turned, chuckling, tempted to tell her what she could have first for breakfast, but stole a kiss as he reached over her to the night table for the phone that was closer than the intercom, ringing downstairs to get their order. "Better than drive-thru at least," he mentioned, waiting for Agnes to answer. When she did, the order was healthy fruit and juice along with some bread and things that would keep if they ignored it a while. "Now... where were we?"

"I was hungry and you were going to satisfy my appetite." She wiggled her eyebrow as she pulled his attention fully back to her. Her hands roamed over his arms, shoulders and back, caressing the muscles and appreciating the strength in his form.

"Mm hmm." He teased back, but the actions were sincere. Staying where he'd strayed over her, she'd see the hungry glow and the protective curve of the arch in his back as he hovered over her as if to say 'mine' though no word beyond the purring growl was needed as he settled into her.

Her sigh parted her lips as her head tilted back and her eyes closed, her fingers dug just slightly. Her legs curled along his and up to his hips, wrapping partially around him. There was only the soft sound of her gentle growl inviting him further.

It wasn't to satisfy the hunger, but to purely enjoy the pleasure of her. Beyond the fever and aching need, this was sheer want and Justin moved slowly and deliberately.